Question: Our first-born is showing extreme jealousy towards the new baby. He’s obviously mad at us for disrupting the predictable flow of his life with this new challenger for our attention. How can we smooth things out?

Think about it: Before the baby entered your family, your toddler was told he’d have a wonderful little brother to play with, and how much fun it would be. Then the little brother is born and your toddler is thinking, “Are you kidding me? This squirming, red-faced baby that takes up all your time and attention is supposed to be FUN?” He then “plays” with the baby in the only ways he knows how. He plays catch. You yell at him for throwing toys at the baby. He plays hide-and-seek. You yell at him to get the blanket off the baby. He gives the kid a hug, and you admonish him to be more careful. Is it any wonder that your toddler is confused?

Teach: Your first goal is to protect the baby. Your second, to teach your older child how to interact with his new sibling in proper ways. You can teach your toddler how to play with the baby in the same way you teach him anything else. Talk to him, demonstrate, guide and encourage. Until you feel confident that you’ve achieved your second goal, however, do not leave the children alone together. Yes, I know. It isn’t convenient. But it is necessary, maybe even critical.

Hover: Whenever the children are together, “hover” close by. If you see your child about to get rough, pick up the baby and distract the older sibling with a song, a toy, an activity or a snack. This action protects the baby while helping you avoid a constant string of “Nos,” which may actually encourage the aggressive behavior.

Teach soft touches: Teach the older sibling how to give the baby a back rub. Tell how this kind of touching calms the baby, and praise the older child for a job well done. This lesson teaches the child how to be physical with the baby in a positive way.

Act quickly: Every time you see your child hit, or act roughly with the baby, act quickly. You might firmly announce, “No hitting, time out.” Place the child in a time-out chair with the statement, “You can get up when you can use your hands in the right way.” Allow him to get right up if he wants – as long as he is careful and gentle with the baby. This isn’t punishment, after all. It’s just helping him learn that rough actions aren’t going to be permitted.

Demonstrate: Children learn what they live. Your older child will be watching as you handle the baby and learning from your actions. You are your child’s most important teacher. You are demonstrating in everything you do, and your child will learn most from watching you.

Praise: Whenever you see the older child touching the baby gently, make a positive comment. Make a big fuss about the important “older brother.” Hug and kiss your older child and tell him how proud you are.

Watch your words: Don’t blame everything on the baby. “We can’t go to the park; the baby’s sleeping.” “Be quiet, you’ll wake the baby.” “After I change the baby I’ll help you.” At this point, your child would just as soon sell the baby! Instead, use alternate reasons. “My hands are busy now.” “We’ll go after lunch.” “I’ll help you in three minutes.”

Be supportive: Acknowledge your child’s unspoken feelings, such as “Things sure have changed with the new baby here. It’s going to take us all some time to get used to this.” Keep your comments mild and general. Don’t say, “I bet you hate the new baby.” Instead, say, “It must be hard to have Mommy spending so much time with the baby.” or “I bet you wish we could go to the park now, and not have to wait for the baby to wake up.” When your child knows that you understand her feelings, she’ll have less need to act up to get your attention.

Give extra love: Increase your little demonstrations of love for your child. Say extra I love yous, increase your daily dose of hugs, and find time to read a book or play a game. Temporary regressions or behavior problems are normal, and can be eased with an extra dose of time and attention.

Get ‘em involved: Teach the older sibling how to be helpful with the baby or how to entertain the baby. Let the older sibling open the baby gifts and use the camera to take pictures of the baby. Teach him how to put the baby’s socks on. Let him sprinkle the powder. Praise and encourage whenever possible.

Making each feel special: Avoid comparing siblings, even about seemingly innocent topics such as birth weight, when each first crawled or walked, or who had more hair! Children can interpret these comments as criticisms.

Take a deep breath and be calm. This is a time of adjustment for everyone in the family. Reduce outside activities, relax your housekeeping standards, and focus on your current priority, adjusting to your new family size.

{Originally posted on TriadMommies}

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Dirt cake is one of my favorite desserts. Brings back memories of childhood when I played softball in a summer league. Every summer we would have a end of season banquet to pass out trophies and to have a cook out. One of the mother's would always being dirt cake.  It was always the hit of the cook out. The recipe below has been doubled since I am using a large flower pot. If you want to use a smaller potion please half all the ingredients.

Childbirth, we all pray for it to be easy, but I was one of the not-so-lucky ones. I had a long and painful labor, my son was stuck against my pelvic bone for hours, and when he was finally suctioned out, his head was severely misshapen. Many kids come out with crooked heads, isn’t this what that hoodie in the hospital is for? “Give it a few weeks, the doctors say”. Well, I gave it a few months, and the condition only got worse. My son developed severely restricted head and neck movement, which in turn resulted in hearing problems and infections that we are still dealing with 18 months later.

So what is this called? The condition is called plagiocephaly, Greek for “an oblique head”; plagiocephaly results from external forces applied to a soft and malleable infant skull. This can be the result of childbirth, but can also develop from a number of external circumstances such as sleeping on the back with little tummy time, or only turning the head in one direction due to torticollis (restriction of the neck muscles), and prolonged use of an infant car seat, carrier, or swing (perhaps due to reflux). Whatever the case, many of us are mistakenly told by our pediatricians that the asymmetry will fix itself. However, in moderate or severe cases, this is untrue. Sure, the child’s hair will grow and perhaps the deformity will be slightly camouflaged, but this condition is not one that is self-correcting.

So what does this mean? Many people, including some insurance companies, also believe that plagiocephaly is merely a cosmetic problem. This is not the case, facial asymmetry can cause eating and chewing problems, vision problems, and in my son’s case, hearing problems and ear infections. This is a medical condition, and one that as parents, we should probably be aware of. Well, we all know that babies need to sleep on their backs and ride in infant carriers while in the car, so what treatments are available to assist in correcting the head shape? The child will most likely have to wear a custom-fit helmet or band for 23 hours a day for several months to correct the problem. The helmet, though it looks obtrusive, is quite lightweight and rarely bothers the child. My son actually cried when we took his off! The specialist will cast a mold of the child’s head to develop a band for the child that will slowly correct the deformity through constant pressure. The band will be adjusted weekly to accommodate growth and development. Many children are treated after two or three months, though some will wear their head accessory for as long as six months. Treatment is most successful if started between 4 and 6 months; however, a child can start treatment at as late as 18 months. Additionally, physical therapy is also affective in reinforcing the treatment.

So, the next time you see a child running around in a white or painted helmet that looks like they may be a baby wrestler or football player, you will now know that that child is being treated for plagiocephaly. And moms and dads, if this happens to your child, please learn the facts, know that this is a medical condition and does require attention, but also know that it can be treated without painful or intrusive surgery, and most important, know that this is not your fault. Let’s educate one another, our doctors, and our insurance companies. Stay aware of your child’s development and be proactive in his treatment. And hey, look at the bright side, I was actually thankful during a few baby tumbles that my child was well protected in his headgear! And the bands are a great way for your child to express his individuality.

For more information, please visit http://www.cappskids.org or http://www.cranialtech.com.

{Originally posted on RichmondMommies}

Do you have a child with special needs?  Find support at SantaBarbaraMommies.com

'Spring Ahead. Fall Back.' That little saying always helps us remember whether we should set the clock ahead or back one hour. Similar little sayings, are also great for helping you to get and stay organized. Here are just a few:

1. A HOME FOR EVERYTHING AND EVERYTHING IN ITS PLACE. Every item you have, no matter what it is, should have a designated home. For instance, the home for your magazines might be your magazine holder, which is located on your bookshelf. Or your home for your extra file folders and labels, might be the top shelf of your office supplies cabinet. If an item doesn't have a specific home, it's considered to be 'homeless.' Something that is homeless, tends to get lost. Designate a specific home for all of your stuff. Then, be sure that everything taken, gets returned to its home when done being used.

2. DON'T PUT IT DOWN. PUT IT AWAY. When you remove something from its home, the best thing to do when you're done using it, is to put it away. Yes, sometimes it seems easier to just place it on the kitchen table until later, or to put it on your desk until tomorrow. Unfortunately, this often results in many items being out of place, which can leave your home or office in disarray. Never mind the fact that it presents a bad example for other family members, or staff members. Don't give clutter a chance to form. Put it away now. You'll find it when you need it, and your environment will remain clutter-free.

3. FILE, DON'T PILE. It is very easy to get overwhelmed with paper. Our paper volume increases on a daily basis. Between lists, mail, bills, school papers, documentation, warranties, etc., it's often seen as a pain to take the time to handle those papers immediately. However, if those papers begin to transform themselves into piles--and they usually do--it's going to be even more of a pain to get them under control. Piles tend to get taller and taller, until even the idea of dismantling them seems colossal. This results in lots of piles, and even more stress. If you DON'T need a piece of paper, get rid of it immediately. Either recycle it, or give it to the appropriate party. If you DO need a piece of paper, file it right now. Don't put it down, even for a minute. Either place it in your filing cabinet, your Tickler file, your bill paying system, etc. If you take the time to file it now, it won't stand a chance of growing into a huge pile.

4. QUALITY OVER QUANTITY. Clutter and chaos go hand in hand. The more things you have, the easier it is for clutter to form and grow. Always remember to place your emphasis on quality over quantity. In other words, it's not important to have a lot of things, many of which you never use. It's more beneficial to have fewer things, all of which you use and/or enjoy. Simplify your life and you will get and stay organized!

5. FIND EVERYTHING YOU NEED WHEN YOU NEED IT, GET EVERYTHING DONE WHEN IT'S DUE. Many people think that getting organized is about being neat and tidy. On the contrary, a person who is not very neat or tidy, can be very organized. Being organized actually entails 'finding everything you need when you need it, and getting everything done when it's due.' If you can master these two things, you are well on your way to being organized.

Post submitted by Maria Garcia
{Originally submitted to CharlotteMommies}

French Muffins were always the first request on a Saturday morning when I was young. Especially if we had friends sleeping over. We would beg and plea for our Mom to make these. She really only made these muffins for sleep overs and special occasions. When she did make them, I can remember waking up to the smell of cinnamon filling the house.

The class I’d like to see childbirth educators add to their list.

When I was pregnant with my first child, I took every class the hospital offered, from Breastfeeding to Taking Care of Baby. But what really would have helped me is a class that doesn’t exist. A class I’d like to call “Taking Care of Mama.” You know the old saying, “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”



About a week after I got home from the hospital with my perfect little baby, nobody in my house was happy because I was miserable. I remember standing at the window in the early morning darkness of a cold rainy Monday watching my husband’s car leave our driveway his first day back to work. All I could think was “The world is going on without me.” I’d given up my career to stay at home with my baby, but suddenly found myself wondering what the hell I was thinking. My days now consisted of changing diapers, trying to (unsuccessfully) breastfeed a fussy baby every 15 minutes, washing endless loads of laundry and watching way too much mindless daytime television. I signed up for this?

Two weeks later I was consumed with dark feelings. When I had to force myself to eat, I knew this was a problem bigger than the “baby blues.” I knew this was postpartum depression, even though I couldn’t make my mouth form the words.

You have to understand, I was the woman who couldn’t wait to be a stay-at-home mom. So when the dark feelings came out of nowhere, I was completely unprepared. I went to all those classes to learn how to diaper and swaddle a baby. I knew how to give the baby a bath and I was even prepared for that ugly umbilical cord stump thing, but I wasn’t prepared for this.

At least one out of every ten women who give birth experience some form of postpartum depression. It’s all over the news. You’d think someone might have at least mentioned it in one of those classes. Nope. Did anyone ever say, “For the next six weeks your hormones will be on a roller coaster ride that will make you feel, at the very least, not yourself. Your body will be recovering from the trauma of birth, while at the same time being more deprived of sleep than a Marine at boot camp. Oh, and you are also now responsible for the health and well being of another human. Life as you knew it is over. Therefore, do not be surprised if you experience an adjustment period.” C’mon. Would a little warning have been so hard?

Yet, alas, none of those healthcare professionals ever seem to mention taking care of yourself as a new mama except for instructing you to wait six weeks before having sex (as if anyone who’s just passed a seven-pound baby through her nether regions needed to be told that). No, all the classes are about the baby. Taking care of the baby, feeding the baby, massaging the baby, diapering the baby and (God-forbid) administering CPR to the baby. The mother is completely left out of the equation. What about the major emotional, financial and psychological turn your life has just taken? Sorry. You’re on your own there sister.

After a few weeks of feeling awful, I went to see my doctor. He knew exactly what I was going through. He told me if I hated breastfeeding, I should stop trying (and not to feel guilty about it), to get out of the house every day and to exercise. Then he gave me a prescription for an antidepressant. I left his office feeling like I might actually survive. And that was a feeling I hadn’t had in what seemed like a really long time.

I had no idea so many other women had gone through the same thing. It sure would have helped to know I wasn’t alone and to hear stories of success from other new moms who suffered from postpartum depression. To be reassured that I wasn’t destined to be a horrible mother and feel like crap the rest of my life. But sadly, few mothers admit publicly or even to their close friends what they are going through.


So here’s what I would tell moms-to-be in my “Taking Care of Mama” class: First, you have to make time for yourself. Get out with your friends, your husband. Get a babysitter. Not only is it okay to take time for yourself, but you’ll be a better mother if you take some time to recharge. Second, everything is a stage. As new moms we have a tendency to think of now as being forever. But the baby will eventually sleep through
the night and smile back at you and laugh and life will get better. And if you are feeling depressed, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Go talk to your doctor. He or she can help. Be empowered to do what works for you. Just because something worked for someone else doesn’t mean it’s right for you.

I’m glad I learned all those lessons. It just would have been nice if someone had given me the Cliff-Notes version ahead of time.

(Post originally submitted to CharlotteMommies)



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It started with a trip to the grocery store. While I waited for the cashier to ring up my items, a mother behind me was delivering a soliloquy (only she didn't recognize it as such!).

"Suzy, you're not going to take that home."
"Suzy, you can carry that around but I'm not buying that."
"Suzy, you've been naughty. Why should I buy that for you?"
"Suzy, put that away. I'm not paying for it."
"suzy, everyone is looking at how much trouble you're causing."

And on and on and on...

I was so thankful when the cashier gave me my total. I was tired of this woman blathering on and I don't have to live with her! Poor Suzy. She is being trained to ignore her Mother. The more Mom talks, the less she hears.

Mom needs to learn rule number one:

Less Talk, More Action

Remember the Peanuts cartoons? When one of the adults spoke, all the kids heard was "wonkwonkwonkwonk". The more you lecture, threaten, warn, count to 3, etc... the less your child listens. Stop diluting your effectiveness as a parent with these non-actions. Use natural consequences as often as possible, and deliver the consequence calmly and swiftly. For example:

If your two year old won't stop running into the street, clearly explain to her that if she does it, she will be taken inside for the day. Then, when she does it (and she will, of course, cute little Scientist that she is!), calmly and without fanfare, escort her inside. Don't give her warnings or "another chance".

Toddlers and young kids don't understand an abstract concept like getting hit by a car... something they've never seen, felt or tasted. So talking about it until you're blue in the face is unlikely to do any good.

But what they DO understand is cause and effect. "If I do "X", then Mommy does "X"....EVERY TIME. Even young babies learn this. Ever noticed how excited your baby gets right before you feed him? He's learned that when you hold him a certain way, food is forthcoming. Our kids are smarter than we think sometimes.

Another example: Two siblings are fighting about a toy. Don't waste your time trying to figure out who is in the wrong, it's virtually impossible and just encourages tattling. The children will learn how to work out their own negotiations if involving the parent means unpleasantness. The toy is put up for a period of time. End of story. Toy squabbles will dramatically decrease almost magically!


Let Your Yes Mean Yes & Your No, No

Do what you say you will do. If you tell your child that acting up in the grocery store means no cookie from the bakery at the end of the trip, MEAN it. I'll never forget the look on my 2 year old daughter's face as she watched her brothers eat huge chocolate chip cookies while she went empty handed! Few things impress a young child more than you holding to your words, calmly and without a lot of emotion (that just makes you look like an idiot). Children don't respect you if you are always swinging back and forth like a pendulum. Decide what's important to you and expect those limits to be respected.

This rule makes parenting so much easier because your kids will stop testing you so much, which is just their way of saying "Do you really mean it?".

The flip side of this is that when you promise something positive, you had better make good on it! If you do this, your children will learn that you mean what you say.

{Originally posted on SaltLakeCityMommies}

 

Pregnancy is a time of physical and emotional transformation. Besides the obvious physical changes, the myriad emotions a pregnant woman experiences can often leave her feeling confused, overwhelmed, stressed or anxious. With so much attention focused on the arrival of the baby, moms-to-be often overlook the importance of nurturing their physical and emotional needs. Massage therapy is a safe, effective way to nurture mom and baby through a very special time.


Massage can be effective in relieving many of the common physical complaints experienced during pregnancy. Morning sickness, joint and muscle pain, headaches, constipation, heartburn, leg cramps and fluid retention are some of the classic complaints that can be alleviated through massage.

It is estimated that nearly 80% of all pregnant women experience morning sickness. It is extremely common during the first trimester of pregnancy and can range from a very mild moment of queasiness to recurrent vomiting. Acupressure can be safely and effectively used to alleviate the feeling of nausea. This technique can be learned and then used anytime nausea occurs.

Other common complaints during pregnancy are joint pain and muscle soreness. This is largely due to the added and redistributed weight. With the added weight concentrated in the abdominal area, a woman’s center of gravity shifts, and it results in postural changes that impact the hip and low back area. It is also common for pregnant moms to experience joint pain in other areas, especially in the knees and feet. Massage helps to alleviate these aches and pains by gently stretching and releasing tight muscles. It also enhances circulation and the delivery of oxygen and blood to the affected areas.

Constipation, gas and heartburn are also inconveniences that pregnant moms often contend with. The relaxation effect of massage stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system, which translates into increased digestion and intestinal movement.

Massage can also help alleviate leg cramps, headaches and excess swelling. The movement of blood, lymph and metabolic wastes is stimulated by massage and is put back into circulation where it can be eliminated by the body.

Stress plays a significant role in how a pregnancy progresses as well as the birth itself. If a mother perceives a situation as being stressful, her body reacts by releasing stress hormones, which cross the placenta. A 1999 study done at the University of Kentucky College of Medicine in Lexington indicated that the fetal heart rates of stressed mothers remained higher longer, suggesting a heightened reaction to stress. Continued exposure to stressful situations during pregnancy has been shown to negatively impact birth weight and may lead to pre-eclampsia and pre-term labor. Studies also show that when pregnant women receive massage, the urinary output of stress hormone levels decrease. Massage has an overall calming effect on mother and baby.

Overall emotional health of pregnant mothers is extremely important. Some mothers may experience anxiety during pregnancy. Maternal anxiety and depression during this time has been shown to have negative postnatal impacts. These feelings in new mothers are often associated with feeding problems, and mothers perceive their babies as being fussy and more demanding. According to a study done by the Touch Research Institute, women who received massage while pregnant reported reduced anxiety, improved mood and better sleep patterns.

Traditional oriental therapies such as Shiatsu and Acupressure can also be very effective in use throughout pregnancy, childbirth and during the postpartum period as well. These therapies are based on Traditional Chinese Medicine theory and influence the energy meridians (pathways) in the body. It is believed that when the body's energy (chi) is blocked or imbalanced in some way, pain and disease results. A massage practitioner who employs Shiatsu or Acupressure techniques helps to restore energetic balance in the body, thereby alleviating physical as well as emotional discomforts. The practitioner should have advanced training in these modalities for use during pregnancy.

Massage therapy can be an integral component of pregnancy and childbirth. Research has shown us that pregnant moms who receive massage have fewer physical complaints, suffer from less pain during labor, give birth to calmer babies, and experience less postpartum depression. Massage can be a safe and effective method of treatment for the many emotional and physical issues surrounding pregnancy. It will undoubtedly contribute to mom experiencing a happier and healthier pregnancy. It is also a priceless gift for the baby to come!


References:

Elaine Stillerman, L.M.T., Touch for Happier, Healthier Pregnancies, Massage Magazine, September/October 2000.

Field, T., Ph.D.; et al., Pregnant Women Benefit From Massage Therapy, Journal of Psychosomatic Obstetrics and Gynecology, Vol. 20, March 1999

{Originally posted on CharlotteMommies}